he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
