When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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