just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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