My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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