i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I intend to get homeless drunk
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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