I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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