Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Randomize
