Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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