i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
