Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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