I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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