we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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