I wish I only lived at night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
