I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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