No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
