# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
