Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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