omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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