I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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