that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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