he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
