I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
