i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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