Where is the hickey?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
