I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
