So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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