I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
