I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
