Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
