Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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