***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
