we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
