atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
