I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
