New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
