Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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