when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
