Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
