my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think i have herpe
just one?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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