It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize