I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
