Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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