Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
