I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
