I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
