I'm really into asian looking animals
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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