My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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