so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
