I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
