just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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