I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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