dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
