My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
