walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
