I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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