Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
