you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
My pussy is not your playground.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
