eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
