Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
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Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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