Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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