I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
