I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
