Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize