I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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