Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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