I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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